webmaster@jamesfuqua.com©2000-2001 James Fuqua
Law Jokes Page
Last Updated 23 November 1998
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It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Gargling is prohibited while flying. - Hackberry, Arizona**
According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
San Francisco prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in hexadecimal.
In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.
Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).
It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
Starting January 1 1995, it is illegal in California to possess bear gall bladders. Also, it is no longer permissible to trip horses for entertainment.
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
A Belvedere, CA., City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.
In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
Los Angeles "Daily News":
Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. Governor Roy Romer formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping through the window for years," he said.
A law passed in Denver says that the dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
No one - man, woman, or child - can be seen flying while barefoot. - Fairplay, CO** (must make them invisible, eh? ed.)
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Harford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.*
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
Hartford, CT., makes it illegal to educate dogs.
In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife on Sunday. (No wonder why everyone is in a bad mood on Mondays.)
It is a violation of local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane. - Lowes Crossroads, Delaware**
It is against the law to sneeze in an airplane. - Lynch Heights, Delaware**
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
SARASOTA It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
Georgia law provides that it is a misdemeanor for any citizen to attend church worship on Sunday unless he is equipped with a rifle and it is loaded.
Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
It is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane. - Pocataligo, GA**
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.*
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
In Normal, IL., it is against the law to make faces at dogs.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.*
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
It is against the law to eat ice cream in the local airport with a fork. - Bicknell, IN**
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
In Fort Madison, IA., the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
In Kansas, it is illegal to eat snakes on Sunday.
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited. - Halstead, Kansas**
If a man is wearing a striped suit, you cannot throw a knife at him in Natoma, Kansas.
A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses."
No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this state unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed with a club. The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses. - Kentucky** (two different laws?? ed.)
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.*
The state of Massachusetts is drafting regulations prohibiting large-scale bakers to allow the odor of bread to be released into the atmosphere because it contains ethanol, which can break down into ozone, a component of smog. "If people have such a visceral response to this smell, they can bake their own bread," said the engineer at the state Department of Environmental Protection who drafted the regulation.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
In 1659, Massachusetts made Christmas illegal.
In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.*
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.*
Roosters may crow, only if it is done at least 300 feet from the airport. - Stugis, Michigan**
People cannot play checkers at the airport, "Lest they acquire a taste for gambling". - Clearbrook, MN**
In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren't enough of a deterrent.)
No turtle races shall be held at the airport. Bourbon, Mississippi**
In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.*
No pilot can eat unshelled roasted peanuts or watermelon while flying. - Leadwood, Missouri**
Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri... but not toy cap guns.
It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime in Montana.
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
Women who are single, widowed, or divorced are banned from parachuting on Sunday. - Crawford, Nebraska**
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
Unless you have a doctor's note, it's illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey.
In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).*
No one can play cards on the airport grounds with a woman, a child, or an Indian. - White Horse, NM**
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.*
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways.
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
In ND, it is still legal to shoot Indians if your in a covered wagon.
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
In Bexley, Ohio, Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
In Paulding, OH., a policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
In Cleveland, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
No married man can go flying without his spouse along at any time, unless he has been married for more than 12 months. - West Union, OH**
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
Harthahorne (Oklahoma) City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
In Oklahoma, you cannot legally carry an exposed weapon unless you are being chased by an Indian.
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
No flyer may wear a pair of pants with hip pockets while flying. - Guyman, OK**
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer's Anti-Automobile society set up some "rules of the road." In effect, they said:
1. "Automobiles travelling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear of livestock."
2. "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery."
3. "In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner must take his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes."
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
It is against the law for a pilot to tickle a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention. -Columbia, PA**
Juggling in front of an airplane is illegal. - Wellsboro, PA**
Citizens are not allowed to enter an airplane within four hours of eating garlic. - Wakefield, RI**
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
In Tennessee it is illegal to use Lassos to catch a fish. (A rusty hook is far more humane...)
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
In one of those "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed. To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the laws. Nobody saw the train law attached and passed both laws. This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain some of the laws we have to live with.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
In Clarendon, TX., it is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.....
In Borger, TX., it is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. (Real party poopers)
It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.
Pilots and passengers are prohibited from eating onions between the hours of 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. - Bluff, UT**
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.
No married man can go flying on Sunday. - Burdoville, VT**
No person is allowed to read the Sunday paper while sitting in a chair at the airport while church services are going on. - Upperville, VA**
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
There is/was a law on the books in Washington state that stated that a motorcar driven at night must be preceded by something like 100 yards by a man carrying a lantern...
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
All lollipops are banned.
A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
Citizens cannot carry a slingshot on an airplane without special permission. - Okanogan, WA**
In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.*
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
Don't let your horse fall asleep in the airport. - Peewee, West Virginia**
In Racine, WS., it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
No flying instructor "can place his arm around a woman without a good and lawful reason" (while flying). - Rock Springs, WY**
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.
"The provisions of the preceding sentence shall not be applicable with respect to the taxable year beginning January 1, 1975, or any succeeding taxable year which begins before January 1, 1980; and, for purposes of such sentence, January 1, 1980, shall be deemed to be the first January 1 occurring after January 1, 1974, and consecutive taxable years in the period commencing January 1, 1980, shall be determined as if the taxable year which begins on January 1, 1980, were the taxable year immediately succeeding the taxable year which began on January 1, 1974." - Internal Revenue Code 3302(c)(2)(C)
The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.
The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"
Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor" in Half-Moon Bay.
Portland, ME., makes it illegal to tickle a girl under the chin with a feather duster.
In Calgary, there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.
I understand that in Germany, there is a law that every office must have a view of the sky, however small. So the office buildings are all long and skinny.
In Israel, there's no legal way for a man named Cohen to marry a divorced woman.
In England, it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!
*These excerpts are from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton (Walker; $8.95)
**Excerpts from private pilot, November 1987
webmaster@jamesfuqua.com
©2000-2001 James Fuqua
Law Jokes Page
Last Updated 23 November 1998